One of the most nuanced skills in coaching is knowing when to explore the deeper aspects of who your client is versus addressing what they want to accomplish. The distinction between being and doing represents two fundamental coaching orientations that can dramatically shift the direction and impact of your sessions.
In this article, we will explore how to recognise the right moments for each approach and provide you with practical guidance for making these crucial decisions during your coaching conversations.
Understanding the Being vs Doing Spectrum
Before we dive into the decision-making process, let’s clarify what we mean by being vs doing coaching.
Being-focused coaching explores identity, values, beliefs, patterns, and the internal landscape of your client. It’s about who they are, how they show up, and the underlying systems that drive their behaviour. Questions might sound like: “What does this situation reveal about who you’re becoming?” or “How does this challenge reflect your core values?“
Doing-focused coaching addresses specific actions, behaviours, goals, and tangible outcomes. It’s practical, results-oriented, and forward-moving. The conversation centres on what needs to happen, when, and how. Questions often begin with: “What will you do differently?” or “Which specific steps will move you forward?“
The key here is to recognise that both approaches are valuable and knowing when to use each one is what separates good coaches from exceptional ones.
When to Focus on Being
The Client is Stuck in Recurring Patterns
If your client keeps encountering the same challenges across different situations, it’s time to explore being. They might say things like:
- “This always happens to me in relationships”
- “I keep finding myself in the same position at work”
- “No matter where I go, I face the same problems”
These statements signal underlying patterns that won’t shift through action alone. The client needs to understand who they’re being in these situations before they can change what they’re doing.
Values Conflicts Are Present
When clients describe feeling torn, conflicted, or “off track” without clear external reasons, explore being. They might express:
- Feeling successful but unfulfilled
- Making progress but losing motivation
- Achieving goals that no longer matter to them
This internal misalignment requires exploring identity, values, and authentic self-expression rather than pushing toward more action.
The Client Uses “Should” Language Frequently
Pay attention when clients repeatedly use “should,” “ought to,” or “have to.” This language often indicates they’re operating from external expectations rather than internal clarity. Being-focused coaching helps them reconnect with their authentic wants and needs.
Emotional Overwhelm is Blocking Progress
When clients are stuck in emotional patterns — chronic anxiety, persistent anger, or recurring disappointment — address being first. No amount of action planning will be effective until they understand and process their internal experience.
When to Focus on DOING
Clear Goals with Unclear Execution
When clients know exactly what they want but struggle with implementation, focus on doing. They might say:
- “I know what I need to do, but I’m not doing it”
- “I have the goal, but I don’t know where to start”
- “I keep procrastinating on what matters most”
These clients need structure, accountability, and practical strategies more than deep exploration.
High Motivation and Energy Present
When clients arrive energised and ready for action, match their energy with doing-focused coaching. They’re primed for movement, and exploring being might feel frustrating or slow them down unnecessarily.
Specific Skills or Behaviours Need Development
If the challenge is clearly about capability — learning new skills, changing specific habits, or developing particular behaviours — focus on doing. The client needs practical guidance and step-by-step support.
Time-Sensitive Situations
When clients face immediate decisions or deadlines, prioritise doing-focused coaching. There will be time for deeper exploration later, but right now they need clarity on next steps.
Progress Has Stalled on Previously Explored Being Issues
If you’ve spent significant time exploring identity and patterns but the client isn’t translating insights into action, shift to doing. Sometimes people need to experiment with new behaviours to fully integrate their awareness.
Navigating the Decision in Real Time
Listen for Language Cues
Being indicators:
- “I don’t know who I am anymore”
- “This doesn’t feel like me”
- “I keep repeating the same mistakes”
- “Something feels off, but I can’t put my finger on it”
Doing indicators:
- “I need to figure out what to do”
- “How do I make this happen?”
- “I’m ready to take action”
- “What’s my next step?”
Notice Energy Shifts
When you shift between being and doing, pay attention to your client’s energy. Do they lean forward and become more engaged, or do they seem to pull back? Their physical and vocal energy will guide you toward the right focus.
Use Direct Questions to Check
Don’t hesitate to ask directly:
- “Would it be more helpful to explore what’s driving this pattern, or focus on what you want to do differently?”
- “Are you looking for insight about who you’re being in this situation, or clarity about your next steps?”
Trust the Coaching Competencies
Remember that managing self — one of the core ICF competencies — includes managing your own preferences. Some coaches naturally gravitate toward being or doing. Make sure you’re responding to what your client needs, not what feels comfortable for you.
The Art of Integration
The most powerful coaching often happens when you skillfully integrate both approaches. You might:
- Start with being to understand the underlying dynamics, then shift to doing for practical application
- Explore doing first to gain clarity, then examine being to ensure authentic motivation
- Move fluidly between both within a single session as the conversation evolves
Example:
Client: “I keep avoiding difficult conversations with my team.”
Coach: “What do you notice about who you become when these conversations need to happen?” [Being]
Client: “I turn into someone who wants to be liked more than someone who wants to lead.”
Coach: “What would it look like to be a leader who cares about people and addresses difficult issues?” [Being to doing bridge]
Client: “I’d still be caring, but I’d trust that tough conversations can strengthen relationships.”
Coach: “What’s one conversation you could have this week from that place?” [Doing]
Your Development as a Coach
Mastering being vs doing coaching requires ongoing attention and practice. We recommend:
- Record your sessions (with permission) and notice your natural tendencies
- Reflect after each session — did the client need more being or doing focus?
- Practice both approaches deliberately in different sessions
- Seek feedback from clients about what feels most helpful
- Work with a mentor coach who can help you develop this discrimination
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